


Our Mutual Agreement

by HeyGoodLookin



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Also fluff, CW network style drama, Coming of Age, Gen, lots of feels, sad feels and otherwise, super cliche teen romance but WHATEVER
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24731833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyGoodLookin/pseuds/HeyGoodLookin
Summary: In an attempt to avoid social awkwardness, Kie and JJ agree to be each other's firsts. Because what are friends for?Aka. a series of firsts
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 192





	1. First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> So this concept has been in my head for a while now and I finally got around to starting it.  
> Let me know if this is worth continuing and if y'all like it at all!  
> Thanks so much and happy reading!

They were approaching the end of eighth grade, all confusing hormones and limbs, when they came to their first conclusion: guys are disgusting. Kie came to this conclusion via fighting the patriarchy. JJ saw the way guys looked at his best friend and shivered. He wasn’t so much jealous as he was concerned. He knew guys his age had a one track mind (not that he was any better) and he didn’t like the way Kie was being objectified. He’d learned that term from Kie.

“It’s gross,” Kie said one morning over her casual ukulele strumming. “I went for a run yesterday and I got two cat calls and three messages from guys.”

“What’re they saying?” JJ asked between bites of instant pancake.

“Booty calls, basically.”

“Shit,” JJ frowned. “That’s nasty.”

“No kidding,” Kie continued playing. 

“Are you going to that party this weekend?” JJ asked. They’d been invited to a house party through some other older Pogues. John B had said yes on behalf of all of them (much to the dismay of Pope) and JJ, ever the wild card, was always game for an adventure. Kie was on the fence.

“Maybe,” she answered.

“Hey, maybe they’ll have a keg!”

“That would be a selling point.”

“No shit,” JJ smirked. He was getting good at smirking, Kie noticed.

“I dunno if I wanna go,” Kie mumbled. It was unlike her to be self conscious about her opinion.

“We’ve never gone to a house party before. How do ya know you won’t like it?”

“It’t just… I heard some girls talking the other day and I think it’s, like, a make-out party. Like spin the bottle or some dumb shit like that.”

“Oh,” JJ frowned slightly. Now he understood Kie’s trepidation.

“I mean, I’ve never… you know…”

“That’s cool,” said JJ firmly.

“Is it, though? We’re going into high school next year and I feel like, I dunno—“ Kie swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I just kinda wanna get it over with. But at the same time, I don’t want my first kiss to be this disgusting guy who whistles at me running.”

JJ nodded as Kie spoke. Oddly enough, it wasn’t awkward talking to Kie like this.

“I get it,” he said with a smile.

“Do you?” Kie looked at him. They were sharing the hammock so all she had to do was turn her head. “You’ve probably made out with loads of girls already.”

“What can I say, ladies love me,” JJ grinned. Kie rolled her eyes at this before he continued. “Honestly, Kie, I haven’t.”

“What?” Kie’s eyes widened.

“Made out with anyone. I haven’t kissed anyone either,” JJ said with surprising confidence. He didn’t think it would be so easy to be so candid with Kie. For whatever reason, he felt the need to be all charm and adventure around her.

“Seriously?”

“You seem shocked there, Kie,” JJ chuckled.

“I am,” said Kie. “You’re pretty much the best looking guy in our grade and—“

“Wow there, what did you say?”

“Forget it,” Kie rolled her eyes again. “I’m not repeating that.”

“Gosh, it sounded an awful lot like you got the hots for me or something,” JJ wriggled an eyebrow.

“In your dreams,” Kie tried not to smile.

“Tell you what,” JJ looked back up at the sky again. “We’ll all go to this party and if it’s lame or some guy get’s fresh with you, I’ll take his place.”

“What?”

“Look, if you want to get your first kiss over with and you don’t like any of the guys at the party, I’d be cool with it. You know, if you wanted it to be me.”

“I—uh—“ Kie found herself oddly mute. It seemed like a good idea, in theory, but in practice?

“No strings attached and nothing weird. We’d be friends just like normal,” JJ eased her anxiety.

“Yeah,” Kie breathed. “It couldn’t come between us. No Pogue on Pogue macking, remember?”

“Duh,” JJ smiled. “I figure it’s a win-win. Neither of us wants our first kiss to be with someone we don’t like.”

“True.”

“And we can it put it behind us.”

“For sure,” Kie nodded firmly.

“So you’re cool? You’ll go to the party with us?”

“Yeah,” Kie smiled up at the clouds. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

***

The weekend came and Kie felt her anxiety building with every passing hour. 4pm turned into 5pm, which then turned into her leaving The Wreck early to get changed. Not that she even wanted to change, but she thought hey, if it’s her first high school party, she should at least put in a slight effort. If nothing else, it might make her feel a bit better.

It didn’t.

Despite what the girls in her grade had said, a push-up bra, mascara, and lip gloss did nothing for her confidence. It made her feel stupid. She decided on an absurdly plain pink tank top and a pair of jean shorts. She mercifully avoided her parents, who were will working, and walked down to the chateau, where they’d all decided to meet.

John B was the first to greet her.

“Hey!” He smiled broadly. “Thought you weren’t gonna show.”

“Sorry,” Kie shrugged. “My parents asked me to work a little later and I didn’t want them to get suspicious.” Yeah, she was sneaking out. To be honest, she felt kind of bad-ass.

“Oh hey, Kie,” Pope rounded the corner from the kitchen.

“Hey Pope. Where’s JJ?”

“He’s in the washroom making himself _gorgeous,”_ John B snickered.

“Shut up!” JJ’s voice came from behind a closed door.

“Pretty sure you can’t grow facial hair in under six hours, dude,” said Pope.

Kie heard JJ grumble something about _assholes_ and _dickheads_ and opened the bathroom door.

“Jesus!” She stepped back at the onslaught of scent. “Did you just drown yourself in axe?”

“Hello to you too, Kie,” JJ smirked at her as he checked his perfectly quaffed hair in the mirror and sniff checked his arm pits.

“You ready?”

“Yeah,” JJ turned to face Kie. He was taken aback for a moment and hoped Kie didn’t notice. The fact of the matter was, Kie looked nice. No, not nice, _really_ nice. She didn’t look like one of those uppity kook girls, but she also didn’t wear too much eye liner like girls from the cut did. She looked like Kie, only with a chest and lip gloss and a hint of something on her eyes that made the hazel stand out. “You wearing mascara?” JJ mumbled without thinking.

“I—um—“ Kie shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. Is it weird?”

“No!” JJ cried. “No, no. It’s nice. You look nice.”

“Oh…uh…thanks,” Kie mumbled back. “You clean up okay too.”

“Yeah, I know,” JJ smirked.

“You guys ready?” John B shouted from the porch.

“Yeah!” JJ called back. He pocketed his Swiss army knife he’d stolen a few months ago and smiled at Kie. “It’s gonna be fine,” he put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze as they walked.

“What if it’s lame?”

“Then we leave,” said Pope.

“What if… what if they ask me to do something—“

“Then we’ll punch their lights out,” JJ said brightly.

“Okay,” Kie tried to relax.

“Look, if you don’t want to go, we don’t have to,” John B watched her carefully.

Kie shook herself. “No, I do want to. I know you guys are been looking forward to going for ages. I’m just over-thinking.”

“It’ll be fine,” said John B. “And like JJ said, anything weird and we’ll intervene.”

“I don’t want you guys getting into trouble on my account.”

“I’ll probably get into trouble anyway,” JJ smiled. “Don’t sweat it.”

Kie let the boys chatter away as they walked towards the party house. It wasn’t a big place like on figure eight. It was a run down bungalow. A guy name Josh lived there with his single mom, but she was visiting family for the weekend, hence the party.

JJ flashed Kie a re-assuring smile as they walked in.

The place was packed full of students she hardly knew. She recognized a few girls from her grade hanging around taking selfies by the liquor cabinet. She watched JJ and John B as they navigated the party like a fish taking to water. They were natural extroverts, JJ especially, and had no fear. Pope, on the other hand found the only other kid he knew and stuck to him. Some guy who was in the chess club with him. How he ended up getting invited, Kie had no idea.

“Kie!” One of the girls, Stephanie, called her over. “Bitch, get over here!”

“Hey,” Kie joined the girls cautiously. She didn’t want to get too far away from her boys. “You look cute,” Stephanie smiled and sipping her beer. “Want one?”

“Uh— sure.”

“C’mon,” Stephanie dragged her into the kitchen. “They said we can help ourselves.”

“Oh,” Kie mumbled as a couple of boys a year older than them eyed her.

“This is Kiara,” Stephanie handed her a beer and forced her to face the small gathering of boys.

“Hi,” she tried to smile.

“Hey,” the tallest boy took a step towards her. “I’m Tyler. This is my buddy, Josh.”

“Hi,” Kie said again. She felt Stephanie nudge her lightly. “Nice, uh, party.”

“Yeah?” Tyler drank the rest of his beer in one chug. “We’re just gettin’ started.”

“Oh.”

“You’re good-lookin’, by the way,” said Tyler. Stephanie, Kie noticed, was busying herself with Josh.

“Oh…thanks,” Kie took a sip of her beer.

“When Steph said she was gonna bring a friend, I didn’t think she was gonna bring someone like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Calm down, sweetheart. I mean, you’re pretty hot, aren’t you? Don’t think I’ve seen ya ‘round the cut much.”

“I’m usually surfing,” said Kie. God, Tyler was such a _bro_ it was insufferable.

“You surf?” Tyler watched Kie drink another sip of beer. “Oh right, you hang out with John B and shit, what’s his name…?”

“JJ.”

“Yeah, blonde kid. Fights good.”

“Yeah,” Kie tried to smile again.

“He’s cool,” Tyler seemed genuinely impressed but also unconcerned. “Do you not drink beer?”

Kie looked down at the beer she’d hardly touched. “Yeah, I do.”

“Bet you can’t chug it.”

“Sure, I can,” Kie countered swiftly. She had no idea why she felt compelled to prove him wrong, but she did. So she downed the rest of her watery beer the way her boys had taught her a few days ago and grinned in spite of herself.

“Damn,” Tyler cocked an eyebrow. “Now that was hot.”

“Thanks,” Kie felt herself flush, though it was mostly from the beer.

“You wanna join the party downstairs?”

“I…uh…” Kie quickly scanned the room for her crew. They must have gone downstairs. “Sure.”

“Great,” Tyler put on arm around her shoulders and guided her down the stairs. There was a beer pong table set up where some of the older teenagers played. The next room over played host to people her age and maybe slightly older, and thankfully, her crew. John B was sitting next to a girl who was chattering a mile and minute and JJ was flirting with a red-head that was hanging onto his every word. Pope, she noted with some amusement, was explaining decomposition rates to a punk rock girl with black lipstick.

“Ladies and gentlement, I believe we’ve all assembled,” Josh came in behind them with Stephanie in tow.

“What’ll it be, ladies?” Tyler asked.

“We played spin the bottle last time,” the girl next to JJ giggled. “How about truth or dare.”

“Seriously, Jessica, we played that two weeks ago,” said Stephanie.

“Who cares,” Jessica continued. “Virgin Mary wasn’t here last time.”

“True,” Stephanie glanced at Kie’s shocked expression and giggled. Kie noticed JJ stiffen, but gave him a look to stop him from confronting the group.

“It’s cool,” Kie sat down, but made sure to leave space between herself and Tyler.

It turned out truth or dare was amusing. They watched Pope moon the group, Stephanie had to kiss Josh, and John B had to wear a bra. It was all fun and games until it became Kie’s turn.

“Truth or dare?” The girl next to Pope asked.

“Truth,” said Kie.

“Can’t,” said Stephanie.

“What?” Kie stared at the girl.

“First time here, you gotta do a dare. House rules. Unless you’re too chicken—“

“Fine,” Kie sat up taller.

“Cool,” Jessica chuckled. “I dare you to kiss Tyler.”

There was a chorus of _oooh_ and Kie froze. Tyler, on the other hand, finished his beer and smiled toothily. “How about it, Kiara?” He leaned forward.

“Can I do so—“

“Nope,” Stephanie giggled. “House rules.”

“But I—“

“Jesus Christ, it’s just a kiss,” Tyler said as he took hold of Kie’s arm. He pulled her forward slightly. At this, Kie tried to pull back, but Tyler’s hold was stronger than she had anticipated.

“I don’t want to,” Kie tried to regulate her breathing. She was about to ask for an out when she felt herself tugged out of Tyler’s grasp.

“Stop it,” JJ pushed her behind him. “I think I’ll take her home now.”

“Jesus, lighten up, Maybank,” said Josh. “I thought you were always up for a good time.”

“Sure I am,” JJ’s jaw clenched. “Just not when it’s at the expense of my best friend.”

“JJ…” Kie tugged on the sleeve of his shirt. She didn’t want any fighting.

“Yeah,” JJ relaxed. “We’re going.” John B and Pope nodded and followed the pair until they got outside again.

“I’m heading back to the chateau,” said John B. “You okay, Kie?”

Kie kept her eyes on the pavement. “Yeah, I’m good,” she muttered.

“I’ll take her home,” said JJ.

“Okay,” said Pope. “I’m gonna head home.”

“Right,” Kie looked up briefly. “Thanks you guys.”

“No problem,” John B put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “They were way out of order.”

“Agreed,” said Pope.

“Got a few free beers, though,” JJ grinned at his practically full backpack. That made Kie chuckle in spite of herself. “Come on, Kie, let’s get ya home.”

For the most part, they walked in silence, until JJ noticed Kie wasn’t leading him back to her place. They approached the beach and Kie felt herself relax.

“I don’t want to go home,” said Kie. “Kinda don’t wanna be alone.”

“I get it,” said JJ. He sat down beside her in the sand. “I’m sorry, by the way, about what happened back there.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah but you probably knew something like that was gonna happen and that’s why you didn’t want to go.”

“True, but I didn’t think it would be that bad…” Kie didn’t know what else to say. She felt humiliated and stupid.

“Hey, Tyler’s a tool. Can’t surf to save his life.”

“I bet,” said Kie.

“Don’t worry about what he thinks. Don’t worry about what any of those idiots think.”

“But they’re kinda right, aren’t they? I mean, it’s just a kiss. It’s not like it’s any big deal. I should have just sucked it up and did it.”

“No way,” JJ faced her. “That was your call and he should have listened. Besides, I think your first kiss should be your choice. Not a stupid dare at a party.”

“Thanks, JJ,” Kie smiled up at him.

“What can I say, you trained me well,” JJ grinned.

“JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“About what you said before. About us…being each other’s first…” Kie could feel herself blushing. Hopefully it was dark enough out and JJ wouldn’t notice.

“What about it?” JJ watched her carefully.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Kie took a deep breath. “I mean, think about it. We trust each other, right? And we’re gonna stay friends.”

“Best friends,” JJ corrected with a grin.

“Right. Best friends,” Kie smiled. “And at least this way we can say that we’re safe, comfortable, and it’s our choice.”

“Absolutely,” JJ followed Kie’s lead. She was leaning in ever so slightly. And yeah, she was really pretty. Mascara and lip gloss aside, JJ felt mesmerized by her. He always did. He just didn’t know how to process it.

“So you wouldn’t mind if we…?”

“Not at all,” JJ’s lip twitched into one final smirk before he brushed them against Kie’s.

They kind of stuck together for a second (maybe lip gloss wasn’t the best choice) before relaxing into the kiss. JJ couldn’t help but sigh as Kie relaxed against him. He’d wrapped his arms around her as she put one hand on his shoulder and one hand on the back on his neck. And wow, yeah, that felt way better than he thought it would. Every little touch; her thumb stroking his neck, felt incredible.

Kie understood why girls were so obsessed with kissing. It was kind of great. Or maybe JJ was just really good at it. Whatever the reason, Kie felt herself make a noise in the back of her throat as JJ turned one kiss into two. Yeah, he was really good at kissing.

Too soon, they pulled back. Kie opened her eyes and burst out laughing.

“What?” JJ stared at her.

“You’ve got lipgloss all over.”

“Oh, nice,” JJ chuckled.

“That was—“

“Awesome,” JJ finished confidently. Kie gazed up at him and nodded.

“Yeah, it was,” she smiled.

“I really should get ya home, though, Kie,” said JJ.

“Can we stay here for a couple minutes yet?”

“Sure,” JJ joined her in looking out at the water.

They were silent for a moment until Kie shifted beside him.

“I’m glad it was you, JJ,” she murmured.

“Yeah?” He tossed a rock out at the water. “I’m glad it was you too, Kie.”


	2. First Make Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things to expect here: drama, feels, a slight high anxiety situation, and ending fluff.   
> Let me know what y'all think. I've got the next bit in the works already :)

Kie’s “kook year” was, to put it mildly, a shit show. She changed in front of their very eyes. She went from being a Pogue and one of the guys to Sarah’s best friend. It was hard for all of them to watch, but harder more for JJ, who took it personally. And he very rarely took things personally. John B tried to talk some sense into him; tried to tell him that she was their same Kiara, only running with two crowds instead of one. The longer Kie spent with the kooks, the less John B’s reasoning worked on JJ.

Soon, they saw little to none of Kie at all. They’d invite her fishing in their group chat, but she’d decline and go on Sarah’s family’s boat. JJ would see her, onece or twice at the marina, or docks, or at a protest that he just happened to come across. Their eyes would meet, but JJ would always look away first. Part of him resigned himself to losing her. As a friend or whatever they could have been. Because he knew now how different she really was. They came from different worlds.

It was half way through ninth grade when JJ quite literally ran into Kie while leaving the marina gas station. JJ was stealing a Twix and coke for kicks and Kiara was holding onto a stack of posters.

“Jesus!” JJ jumped back. “Watch it.”

“Sorry,” Kie mumbled. She made to move around him, but JJ stopped her.

“What do ya got there?” He tried to read the posters.

“You wouldn’t care.”

“Try me.”

“No thanks,” Kie tried to pass him again.

“Turtles?” JJ shoved his hands into his pockets.

“No,” Kie’s eyes narrowed at him. “It’s about a climate change rally. What did you steal this time?”

JJ chuckled at her words. “Twix,” he revealed the chocolate from his pocket. “Want some?”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Bite me.”

“Can I go now, please?” Kie sighed.

“Be my guest,” JJ stepped aside. “Got any plans for the weekend?”

To be honest, JJ didn’t think she’d respond. And to be completely honest, a part of him regretted even asking.

“Why?” Kie swayed awkwardly.

“Party tonight at the boneyard.”

“Oh,” said Kie. “I’m, uh, going to this other party.”

“Oh right, that big fancy shin dig the kooks are putting on.”

“Yeah,” Kie sighed. “That one.”

“You don’t want to go?” JJ asked. Somehow they’d started walking along the marina together.

“No,” Kie replied softly. “I hate those big social events. It’s stupid.”

“Then why don’t you ditch?”

“I said I’d go,” said Kie, her voice laced with uncertainty. “And I already told Rafe I’d go with him.”

“Rafe?” JJ stared at her.

“My parents’ idea.”

“You’ve got your own mind, ya know, Kie.”

“Try telling my folks that,” said Kie.

“Look,” JJ paused to collect his scrambled thoughts. “If you don’t want to be there, just give me a shout, okay? I’ll keep my phone on me.”

Kie blinked up at him. “Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“I thought you all hated me now.”

“Oh, dude, I’m _super_ pissed, don’t get me wrong. But if you’re going on a date with Rafe, you’re gonna need a back up plan.”

“Rafe isn’t all bad, you know,” said Kie slowly.

“Coulda fooled me.”

“Seriously, JJ. He’s actually nice to me and—“

“And what?” JJ snapped. “Takes you out for dinner? Buys you fancy stuff?”

“No!” Cried Kie.”It’s not like that at all! He’s not my boyfriend! I just said I’d go to the party with him.”

“Sounds like a date to me.”

“It’s not!” Kie said. “Sounds to me like you’re jealous.”

“You know what? I take it back,” JJ strode away from Kie. “Leave me the fuck alone and have a great time in Kook’s paradise with Rafe.”

Kie tried to call after him, but she knew it was hopeless.

She was sure she’d lost him for good.

***

It wasn’t until Rafe had her corned against a linen closet, that Kie realized why JJ had voiced his concern. Rafe was not nice. He was horrible and manipulative and had both arms braced around Kie as she tried to find a way out. She couldn’t catch her breath and she couldn’t make out any of what Rafe was saying between trying to kiss her neck and trying to grab her waist.

Finally, through some stroke of luck, serving staff walked by and Rafe released his hold on her.

“I’ll see you later, _Kiara_ ,” Rafe whispered in her ear, and yeah, _that_ she understood. And then she really couldn’t breath because the very thought of another encounter with Rafe made her entire body shake uncontrollably.

And then he was gone.

Kie collapsed down the wall and onto the floor, her purse having been discarded there before. She heard Sarah and Topper at some point, but she couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying. They didn’t stick around long before her parents replaced them. Kie tried to speak, but nothing seemed to work. Her breath was coming in short and fast and her parents kept trying to calm her down. People had gathered and her parents were equal parts embarrassed to concerned.

“Honey,” Kie’s mother tried to help her up. “Come join the party again.”

“No!” Kie pulled away.

“Honey, please. People are looking and—“

“Don’t you care?” Kie cried. “I can’t— I can’t breath.”

“Don’t be dramatic, sweetheart. Come on, Rafe has been asking about you,” Kie’s mother said while glancing around at the slowly dissipating crowed.

“Leave… me alone,” Kie managed between gasps. 

“Kiara, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Just…give me…a few minutes.”

“Fine,” Kie’s mother let out an audible sigh. “Supper’s being served soon.”

“Okay,” Kie whispered.

Kie’s mother left without another word. Somewhere, in between gasping breaths and shaking hands, Kie was able to find her phone in her purse and remember JJ’s number. She dialled frantically until he finally picked up.

“Jesus, Kie, nine times? Obviously, I’m busy so…Kie?” JJ’s voiced trailed off. He could hear her broken attempts at breathing and occasional sob.

“JJ,” Kie whispered into the phone.

“Where are you?”

“Party.”

“Okay…okay,” Kie could sense JJ scrambling around. “Okay, do you know the address?”

“Sarah’s house,” Kie managed. God, she hated how pathetic she sounded.

“Right,” JJ took a deep breath. “I’ll take my bike and be there real soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Can you get to the front of the house?”

“Y—yeah,” Kie stood up shakily. One foot in the front of the other. JJ was coming. She could do this. Part of her should have been concerned that JJ was taking his dubiously acquired bike (that he didn’t have a license to drive) across the island, but she honestly couldn’t bring herself to care.

“Okay. Hold on, alright Kie? I’ll be right there,” JJ’s voice came through strong over the phone.

“Alright,” Kie supported herself against the wall as she walked. She heard JJ hang up and it was like her life line was taken out from underneath her. The only thing keeping her going was the mantra _JJ’s coming, JJ’s coming, JJ’s coming, JJ’s coming._ A few times Rafe’s words broke through her mantra, and she’d stumble and have to focus on her breathing again.

Somehow she managed to get herself to the front steps at the same time as a familiar bike came speeding around the bend. She practically fell forward going down the steps and she heard JJ curse and rush towards her.

“Shit, Kie… _Kie,”_ JJ made it to her just as her legs seemed to give way. He held her up, though slightly awkwardly, and examined her with a kind of careful ease that clearly came from practice. She should have read something into that, but she didn’t. JJ was always getting into fights, wasn’t he?

“M’fine,” Kie said as JJ maneuvered her to rest against his bike.

“Can you hold onto me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” JJ breathed a slight sigh of relief. He helped her get on the back of the bike and then situated himself in front. Thankfully Kie could essentially collapse against his back and make it safely anywhere. “Where do you wanna go?” He asked as the slowly drove away from the house.

“Chateau,” Kie muttered against his shoulder blades.

“Sounds good,” said JJ.

They made it there in one piece (a miracle in and of itself considering JJ’s horrible driving) and Kie followed JJ into her old home.

“Shit,” Kie tripped over a box of groceries.

“Damn it,” JJ shoved the box to the side and helped Kie to the pull out. “Big John’s out and John B and Pope are at the boneyard. Do you want me to call your folks or—“

“No!” Kie cried suddenly. The mention of her parents brought the whole nightmare back again.

“Hey…” JJ reached forward to take one of her hands in his own. He stopped short when he noticed faint bruising appearing on her wrist. “What happened?” His jaw clenched in anger.

“Rafe,” Kie tried to breath.

“Son of a bitch,” JJ jumped up. “I’ll beat the shit out of him. I’ll go over there and—Kie?” He noticed her arms wrapped around herself and her lack of breathing and forced himself to compartmentalize his anger. He could be angry later. Right now his friend needed him. “It’s okay,” He tried to level with her. “Breath with me.”

“S—sorry,” Kie said as she matched her breathing with JJ’s.

“Don’t apologize,” he put a careful hand on her shoulder. It felt oddly grounding.

“My parents just said I was making a scene. They don’t think—“ Kie gasped. “They don’t think it’s legitimate.”

“That’s fucked up, Kie,” JJ replied. 

“Maybe they’re right, JJ, I mean—“

“Stop,” he cut her off by putting a careful hand over her own. “Just breath, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’re parents are idiots,” JJ said simply.

Kie shook her head in defeat. “I told them I might need medication the other day and they looked at me like I was an alien or something. They don’t— they don’t believe me. They don’t—“

“Kie,” JJ said her name softly. “Who cares what your parents think, huh? Parents are fucked up.”

“They didn’t even try to understand. They just…fuck…they just looked around at everyone else and oh _god_ JJ…” Kie knew she wasn’t listening to him. She knew she wasn’t seeing reason. But she was too tired, too scared, and too confused to care. She just needed someone to understand and she knew despite all the shit she’d done to her friends, he’d be there for her. JJ wrapped his arms around her and let her relax against his chest. He let her cry. He let her talk when she needed and once her tears slowed, he pulled back slightly to look at her.

“Kie?” JJ looked into her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“He didn’t…try anything, did he? You know…” JJ swallowed the end of his question. He couldn’t stomach saying the words.

“No,” Kie mumbled, lowering her head. “He touched me and he tried to kiss me, but…”

“It’s okay,” JJ ran a hand through her hair and pressed her back against his chest. “I mean, it’s not okay. I don’t know why I said that. What I meant is, you’re gonna be okay.”

“I know what you mean, JJ,” Kie smiled and JJ felt it against his chest. Yeah, she was gonna be okay. There was no way in hell she was going home though.

“I thought you hated me.”

“Jesus, Kie, do you really wanna get into that now?” JJ rubbed her back in soothing circles.

“I didn’t think you’d pick up,” Kie mumbled.

“I wasn’t going to, but…”

“But?”

“But I had this gut feeling, ya know?” JJ pulled back and put a stray piece of hair behind Kie’s ear.

“Thank you,” said Kie quietly. “I hated it there.”

“So why’d you go?” JJ asked. “I thought you hated kook parties.”

“My parents wanted me to go,” said Kie bitterly. “And Sarah.”

“Idiots,” JJ remarked quickly.

“I don’t know why I even said I’d go with him. I knew Rafe was bad news but I just he was troubled. I didn’t want to listen to you. I didn’t _want_ you to be right. I didn’t think Rafe was gonna…” Kie tried to continue, but gasped at the memory.

“It’s okay,” JJ forced her to make eye contact with him. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” Kie said. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but you know what I was nervous about before the party?”

“What?”

“I was worried that Rafe would want to make out or something and I wouldn’t know how and I’d make an idiot of myself.”

“That’s stupid, Kie,” JJ couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m sure you’re a natural. Actually, I have it on good authority that you are.”

Kie flushed as his words triggered a memory. “You were alright too, I guess.”

“Alright?” JJ’s eyes widened in mock outrage. “I am the undisputed Pogue champion of kissing.”

Kie laughed out loud at this. “You keep telling yourself that, JJ.”

“You’re gonna be okay, Kie,” JJ watched as Kie kept smiling. Sure, he was shit at feelings and love, but he could make people feel better.

“Thanks, JJ.”

“Seriously.”

“I know,” Kie kept her eyes fixed on him. “JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“I just need to forget everything. I want to forget going kook and Rafe and all this bullshit with my parents and—“

“I get it,” JJ said, his voice oddly low. “Do you want to split a joint or…?”

“That’s not exactly what I had in mind,” Kie inched her face closer to his. “Do you…want to?”

“I mean,” JJ swallowed as his eyes flickered to her lips and then back up to her brown eyes. “Hell, yeah.”

“Good,” Kie wasn’t sure who moved first, but their lips met and it was like fire and sunshine and blazing heat and desire all at once. Kie couldn’t stop herself from moving. She needed to _feel_ something. Her hands went from his shoulders to his hair and JJ made a kind of noise in the back of his throat that made Kie’s confidence surge. Yeah, she did that. She made him feel good. Just like he was doing for her. With his callused hands on her cheeks and then her back and then her hips and wow, he was so good at this.

JJ pulled her closer to his body and Kie could feel his heart hammering against his chest. She shivered as JJ turned long, safe, closed mouthed kisses into a series of open mouthed ones. He nipped at her lip lightly and Kie pulled back in shock. That had felt too damn good to be true. She leant in for more, but JJ stopped her with a smile.

“You sure, Kie?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. She appreciated JJ asking, especially after what she’d just been through. “I think I just need a little bit of normalcy right now. Learn by doing.”

“Totally,” said JJ.

“I mean, if you don’t want to do more…?”

“Are you kidding me?” JJ tossed his head back and laughed. “Of course I want to. I’d be an idiot to turn down making out with the hottest girl around.”

Kie smiled as their normal banter returned.

“Cool,” Kie relaxed. “So it’s kinda like an experiment.”

“Sure,” said JJ with a smirk. “A really hot experiment.”

Kie rolled her eyes, but JJ kissed her before she could respond.

And boy did he kiss her. He kissed her like he’d missed her and was furious with her all at once. He kissed her properly, like she deserved to be kissed, and to erase every disgusting move Rafe had made on her. JJ, in turn, felt hyper sensitive to Kie’s tentative touch. Her hands ghosted over his shoulders and then back into his hair and when he brush his tongue against her lips, her hands gripped onto his hair and he groaned. Actually groaned. Like, holy shit, our tongues are touching and this is actually happening, kind of groan.

Kie nipped at JJ’s lower lip between swipes of her tongue. Learn by doing. He reacted by gripping her waisted tighter and maneuvering them over to the pull out. They fell onto it and kind of, sort of, onto each other. It was far from graceful, but it made them laugh. JJ kissed her lightly a few more times and Kie shifted herself so they were lying facing each other.

“Kie…” JJ reached out and stroked her cheek.

“Hmm?” Kie hummed and pressed her lips against his again. And boy, JJ wanted to kiss her back and kiss her senseless, but he couldn’t. Not with Kie being so emotionally unstable. Not without anybody there. Not alone on a bed without anyone to stop them. Kie seemed to register his hesitation and pulled away from him by a couple of millimetres.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” JJ pressed a light kiss to her cheek. “God no. I just don’t want to get carried away.”

“Oh,” Kie paused. “Oh! Right, yeah, that’s—uh— good thinking.”

“Right,” JJ smiled a smile kind of shy smile that Kie had never seen before and instantly wanted to see more often.

“Was that okay?” She asked.

“Was that okay,” JJ repeated her question with a chuckle. “That was pretty fucking great, Kie.”

“Yeah? I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to but…”

“Well, neither do I.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope,” JJ grinned at her before turning onto his back. He held out his arm in offering, but Kie hesitated. “You’re my friend, Kie. C’mon.”

“Okay,” Kie smiled. She curled up against JJ, who turned out to be a human furnace, and sighed contently.

“I’m still pissed at you for going full kook,” JJ said the words and instantly regretted them. Way to ruin the mood.

“And I’m still pissed that you guys don’t get how sorry I am.”

“We just missed you, Kie,” JJ relaxed as he felt Kie’s even breathing against his chest. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“Oh and for the record,” JJ laughed up at the ceiling. “You’re great at making out.”


	3. First Hickey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So despite the fluff promising chapter title, this one's a real doozy of feels.  
> There is some fluff though, not to worry, but I thought I needed flesh our their personalities a bit more.  
> Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy it and let me know what ya think!!!  
> xoxo

It took some time, but the Pogues took Kie back. It took long explanations (for Pope), some heartfelt apologies (for John B) and some fights and her first joint (for JJ.)

And so Kie figured the expression “time heals all wounds” made sense. It made sense for her. At least that was until she noticed JJ’s wounds with haunting clarity. Because summer of tenth grade meant puberty was going into overdrive. Her boys were broadening and reaching full hight and Kie couldn’t help but notice. Just like they couldn’t help but notice her figure in her first bikini or her favourite pair of denim shorts. The dog days of summer brought T-shirts that JJ had cut into tank tops. And as much as they showed off his recently acquired muscles from yard work, they also showed off a multitude of bruises. At first Kie didn’t notice, because JJ would throw on a long sleeves shirt or hoody after surfing, but once the southern American temperatures rose to a record high, there was no avoiding the need for wearing as little as possible. At first, Kie thought the bruises were from fights, but then she started putting the pieces together.

There was a reason why JJ came to school late half the time.

There was a reason why he didn’t have lunch money.

There was a reason why he stayed at the chateau all the time.

There was a reason why sometimes Kie would come by the chateau in the morning and JJ would still be there from the night before.

There was a reason sometimes Big John would look at him carefully before going into his study.

There was a reason why JJ flinched when Kie touched his shoulder sometimes.

And sometimes Kie thought it was because JJ was that typical loose cannon. Always on edge and always getting into fights. Kie felt like an idiot for only noticing the real reason behind JJ’s carefully calculated walls that summer. It had been going on for years, but it only became obvious that summer.

There was a reason why JJ’s mother had left him.

There was a reason why JJ showed up at the beach one morning and took his shirt off so fast, it was almost a blur.

There was a reason, and it was Luke Maybank.

JJ thought he’d been quick. He’d thought he’d been clever in wrapping the towel around his body practically the second he got out of the water, but Kie saw. She saw the angry bruises that lined the side of his torso and the hand-shaped mark around his neck. And it was like there was no going back. She knew, definitively, that Luke Maybank beat the living shit out of his son and Kie had never felt so useless in all her life. She’d offer JJ her home, but she knew her parents would never allow it. She’d even tried reasoning with them after she noticed more and more bruises, but they didn’t believe her. Kie felt helpless because really, they were fifteen-going-on-sixteen and the only real option was foster care.

So when Kie approached JJ that afternoon by the beach, she didn’t really know how to proceed, she just knew she had to. A thousand a one questions whizzed around in her head: did John B and Pope know about this? Were they actively doing anything about it and not telling her? Was JJ just so good at hiding it, that nobody had really even noticed properly? She knew her last question was wrong, because even teachers asked. JJ brushed them off with a clever retort and bright grin. So Kie started simple.

“Hey,” she said softly, as Pope and John B entered the chateau, but JJ stayed put on the beach.

“Hey, Kie,” JJ smiled up at her.

“You okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m good,” JJ said quickly.

“No, seriously, JJ…are you okay?” Kie sat down next to him on the sand.

JJ ran a hand through his hair and shoved his cap on head. “I’m cool.”

Okay, so this would be harder than Kie had anticipated.

“Did you have any breakfast today?”

“Yes, mom,” JJ smirked at Kie.

“I’m serious, JJ. You weren’t at the chateau this morning.”

“And? Just because I’m not bumming around here, doesn’t mean I’m going hungry.”

“Fine,” Kie sighed. She was learning how to translate JJ. _Doesn’t mean I’m going hungry_ meant, I didn’t eat anything, but it’s not a big deal. _I’m cool_ , means don’t worry. JJ was a lot of things, but he was the master of deflecting. Pain seemed to bounce off of him at a rate that most people couldn’t even comprehend.

“Pretty killler waves today, huh?”

“Oh yeah,” said Kie. “You gonna go out again?”

“Not yet,” JJ looked out at the water. “Later though for sure.”

“Do you need a couple Advil or something?”

JJ’s gaze snapped from the water to Kie’s gentle expression. “Why?”

“Because,” Kie put a careful hand on the towel surrounding his body. “Those must really hurt.”

“Jesus, I’ve been banged up before, Kie. It’s no big deal. The kook had it coming anyway. You should have seen him by the end of it, though, he was—“

“Don’t,” Kie squeezed his arm lightly.

“What?”

“Do that. Deflect. Deny. Let me help you.”

“What are you on about?” JJ pulled at the towel in an effort to get the pressure of Kie’s hand off him. He couldn’t take it. The tenderness with which she looked and touched him brought him too close to the breaking point. Sometimes he just couldn’t take the kindness.

“Your dad,” Kie whispered. “I know what he’s doing to you.”

At first, Kie thought JJ would get up and run into the ocean again. Or run away completely. Instead, he clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.

“You don’t need this, Kie,” he mumbled brokenly.

“The hell I don’t!” Kie couldn’t help but cry. Because this was so typical JJ it was infuriating. Only the boy with the sunshine smile and wild reckless abandon would worry about other people before himself, even in the face of something as terrifying as abuse.

“You’re a good person, Kie, and you’ve got so much goin’ for ya. You don’t need this bullshit.”

“You’re my best friend.”

“So? I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. Let’s just, I dunno, grab some fries and catch some more waves?”

“Seriously, JJ? Don’t you get it?”

“Lay off, Kie,” JJ grit his teeth. Kie refused to let up.

"Look at yourself!” She cried.

“You think I don’t? You think I’m blind or somethin’? You think I don’t know what my ol’ man is doing to me? I know it’s fucked up, but what can I do about it? What can any of you do about it? He’s my _dad,_ Kie!”

“Luke Maybank isn’t your dad,” Kie tried to steady her rapidly quickening breaths. “Luke Maybank is an abusive alcoholic who beats his son. And you know what? I really care about his son!”

JJ stared at Kie. It was the first time anyone had ever said those words out loud to him. _Abusive alcoholic;_ somehow hearing Kie say the words made it real.

“There’s nothing anyone can do about it,” he said evenly, avoiding Kie’s intense gaze.

“There’s gotta be something!” Kie cried. “I mean, you could stay with Pope or John B or I could talk to my parents—“

“No!” JJ ran his hands over his face in frustration. “I don’t need a God damn pity party.”

“We don’t pity you, JJ, we’re scared. I’m scared. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore and this—“ Kie pulled the towel back a few inches. “This isn’t okay.”

“It’s life,” JJ kept his expression unreadable. “Lots of families are shit here. The cut is full of broken homes and addicts.”

“That doesn’t make what you’re going through normal or okay, JJ,” Kie lowered her voice again. She couldn’t get angry with him. JJ didn’t respond to kindness well, but it responded to anger even worse. She didn’t want him to be afraid of confiding in her. “Look, do Pope and John B… do they know?”

JJ looked out at the water again and sighed. “Yeah… yeah, they know.”

“Okay.”

“And Big John figured it out a while ago when I missed a couple days of school and John B brought me back to the chateau.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Kie asked and instantly stiffened. She was an idiot, because she knew the answer.

“You know why,” JJ lowered his head to his knees. “But I don’t blame you.”

“You should. I should have been there, I should have don’t something more, but I was too busy getting lost in useless elitist shit and doesn’t matter and _fuck_ , I’m so sorry, JJ.”

“It’s not your fault,” JJ finally turned to face her. This was what he was afraid of. He was afraid of upsetting her and making her life more complicated than it already was. “Kie, please, try and listen, okay? I know I’m not good with words that matter but…” he took a deep breath. “I don’t blame you for going kook. Hell, I would, given half the chance. Any of us would. I don’t blame you for wanting to get outta here. You’ve chance out there Kie, and I want you to take it. I don’t want you wasting your time trying to help a lost cause.”

Kie processed JJ’s words with caution. He had just opened up to her and even though she didn’t agree, she had to respect that it was how he felt. She couldn’t simply dismiss his feelings because they made her angry.

“JJ…” Kie went from grasping his arm to putting a gentle hand on his cheek. “You’re not a lost cause. You’re…remarkable. I wish you could see that. I want to help you and I wish you would let me.”

“I appreciate it, Kie, I really do,” JJ blinked rapidly. “This is just something I need to deal with on my own.”

And then he got up from the sand and turned away.

“JJ!” Kie called after him as she got up.

“I’ll see ya tonight!”

“JJ!” She tried again, but he was already on his bike.

Okay, so that didn’t go well.

Kie hadn’t realized she’d been crying until she got to the van they had recently acquired. She was so scared for him. He’d gone home. She knew that. He had to go home sometimes for a change of clothes or to drop-off money.

She had to do something and at fifteen, she didn’t see reason too well. She was driven by fear and her desperate need to help her best friend.

So she went to the sherif and demanded help. They didn’t listen. At least not until she threatened to get her parents involved. Now, she knew her parents would never defend her or JJ in this case, but she figured any Kooks influence was better than nothing. And it worked. At the mention of her parents, her plan was set into motion. Kie had no idea what would happen, as she was told to stay back, but she was put slightly at ease knowing she did something.

Kie stayed at the chateau that night. She texted her parents saying she was staying over and they weren’t thrilled, but Kie somehow had a feeling it was where she needed to be. Her instincts were right because it was just passed midnight (Pope had left and John B was asleep in his room) when Kie heard a weak knock on the door.

She’d been half asleep on the pull out, but made her way to the door in a flash.

Her breath caught in her throat.

JJ stood before her; no, he _swayed_ before her, hardly holding himself up by grasping the doorframe.

“JJ…” Kie tried to speak, but she felt frozen. JJ’s face with bruised in two places and his neck was adorned with a new, frightening, hand-shaped bruise. He clutched his side and practically fell forward when Kie tried to help him in the door.

“Big John…” JJ muttered through gritted teeth.

“He’s been gone for a few days now,” Kie answered gently. “It’s me, JJ. It’s Kie.”

“Kie,” JJ processed the name and grimaced. “What…what’re you doin’ here?”

“Never mind that,” Kie shushed him gently. She led him to the washroom and sat him down on the toilet lid. “I’m gonna fix you up, okay?”

Kie expected JJ to protest but instead, he nodded and she almost felt worse because of that. He weak nodding showed how truly defeated he was. Kie ran a hand through his hair in an effort to sooth him. He jumped slightly at first, but soon relaxed at the gentle touch. One his was sufficiently calmed, Kie assumed her job. She bandaged any broken skin and bound up his bruised wrist. He flinched when she went to take his shirt off, though, and Kie held her breath.

“Can I?” She whispered.

“Sure,” JJ mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” said Kie. She watched him put his hands up and aid her in taking his shirt off. Sure, she’d seen him shirtless hundreds of times, but this, this was different. There were welts adorning his torso and back. Horrible thin welts like… “a belt,” Kie thought, and then realized she’d said out loud.

“Nothing that hasn’t happened before,” JJ muttered.

“Shh,” Kie shushed him again. “Don’t say that. You’re gonna be okay.”

And JJ nodded mutely because, really, that was all he could do. Kie tended to the worst of his injuries and then led him back to the pull out. After taking a couple of Aspirin and downing a beer, she finally saw some colour return to her face.

“Thanks, Kie,” JJ took a second beer from her gratefully.

“What happened?” Kie lay next to him on the pull out. JJ didn’t answer at first and Kie was actually pretty sure that he wouldn’t respond at all, until…

“My ol’ man was waiting for me,” he took in a deep breath and grit his teeth. His whole body ached. “He was furious. Something about child and family services and that they’re going to check in and stuff. He thought I’d gone to cops to try and get him into trouble.”

“Oh my God,” Kie felt sick. All the bruises, the welts, and the quivering pain. All of it had been her fault.

“Kie?” JJ turned his body face her. She was shaking next to him and covering her face with her hands. “Jesus, Kie, it’s fine! I told you, I’m good. I’m used to this. It’s nothing my dad hasn’t done before and—“

“I told them!” Kie blurted before folding into herself with her face burried in her knees.

“What?” JJ slowly sat up beside her.

“I’m so sorry,” she cried. “I was just trying to help and I didn’t know what to do and I was so scared and…”

“Kiara,” JJ said her full name in earnest and grasped both of her hands gently. “It’s okay.”

“You got a beating because of me!”

“No, I got beaten because my ol’ man got told off for once.”

“He can’t— you don’t deserve— _fuck_ ,” Kie wrapped her arms around JJ. He stiffened at first, but relaxed as one of Kie’s hands went into his hair.

“It’s okay,” he rubbed her back soothingly. He wasn’t good with words. “Just… don’t do that again, okay? DCS is on our case enough as it is. Getting them more involved isn’t going to help anyone.”

“I’m sorry!” Kie tried to hold back her tears against JJ’s shoulder.

“I know why you did it and I don’t blame you for any of it.”

“You should.”

“I don’t,” JJ cupped Kie’s face with his hands and looked into her eyes. “I’m just not used to this.”

“What do you m—“

But JJ didn’t let her finish. Normally JJ interrupting her would make her mad. But JJ kissing her…well, that made her full out moan. And when she felt JJ smirk against her lips, she had no room to be angry. Because in that moment, if felt like the best possible solution. His lips against hers and no pain in sight.

JJ shifted them so they were lying down on their sides and facing each other while they continued sharing long, desperate kisses. Kisses that didn’t feel like two teenagers experimenting anymore, but Kie didn’t care. All she cared about was that the boy she had come to want to protect, was safe in her arms and kissing her. It made her forget the past twelve hours.

Kie felt JJ nudge her lips with his tongue and shivered. God, he was way too good at this. Everything felt way too good. She didn’t want to make out with anyone else. Their tongues met with some caution but the groan-like noise in the back of JJ’s throat made Kie’s body act without thinking. He kissed her so thoroughly, brushing his tongue against her own and nipping at her lips, all the while caresses her waist. She shivered when his one hand brushed again the silver of skin between her tank top and her sleep shorts. JJ must have sensed this because he pulled back, panting.

“M’sorry,” he flushed and Kie smiled. JJ blushing was possibly the best thing she’d ever seen.

“It’s fine,” Kie ran a hand through is unruly hair.

“Do you want to…?”

“Yeah,” Kie whispered and wanted to reassure him, but another tender kiss stopped her. They traded soft kisses for a moment as JJ’s hand roamed the sensitive expanse of her waist. She held onto his hair like an anchor and it was at that point that Kie made the definitive choice that JJ’s lips worked magic. He pressed a last, closed mouthed kiss to her lips, before he began his decent down her neck. At this point, he was experimenting. Sure, he’d kissed a few girls after him and Kie had made out that first time, but he’d never gotten this far. And somehow, the fact that he was with Kie, made him want to really do it right. He wanted to find all the places that made her hum and _oh_ , he smiled as a suckling kiss near where her neck met her collar bone, made her groan. He stayed there, latching onto the spot, as Kie gripped his hair tighter and whispered his name in a way that made him both incredible proud and turned on. He pulled back and smiled down at her.

“That was…”

“Fucking great,” JJ finished with a grin.

“Do you want to keep going?” Kie met his eyes with some caution. She wanted to do right by him.

“I’m not gonna lie,” JJ swallowed hard. “I’d love nothing more than to ravish you senseless,” Kie blushed and rolled her eyes at his words. “But now’s probably not the best time.”

“But—“

He kissed her quickly. “I don’t want you doing something you’ll end up regretting because you wanted to make me feel better.”

“Oh,” Kie managed quietly. How JJ could read her mind, she had no idea.

“Besides, you just got your first hickey.”

“JJ!” Kie squirmed in his arms and flushed.

“What?” He laughed. “It looks nice. I think I did a great job.”

“You’re disgusting,” Kie couldn’t help but smile as they settled back down on their backs. She reached out her hand and took his in her own slowly. “You’re one of my best friends, JJ,” Kie said in a low voice.

“Same,” JJ gave her hand a light squeeze. “But in all honesty… that was good for you, right?”

“Absolutely,” Kie blushed again.

“Practice makes perfect, though, right?” JJ chuckled.

“Gross,” said Kie as she curled herself up again him. So their former banter had been restored. Kie didn’t like that JJ’s problems hadn’t been resolved, but at least they were safe and together in that moment. They could deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.


	4. First Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy I'm pretty sure this was the hardest chapter to right so far.  
> Lots of feelings and emotions going on here, but there is a mighty dose of fluff for ya.  
> Also, just a warning, there's some tasteful smut at the end, but it's nothing crazy. I don't think it's worse that the rating I gave this story, but if you're not down just...uh...skip it? lol  
> Anyway, here's looking at you guys!!  
> Let me know what you think :)  
> I'm gonna try and get the next chapter out quickly, but I want to make sure it's good and the vibe I want.  
> OH ALSO, the song is in italics and it's called My Back Pages. I highly recommend you listen to it because it's a masterpiece.

Kie realized she was in denial when they started that damn treasure hunt. At first she thought she might have a thing for John B, but one kiss and one oddly jealous glance from JJ, made her change her tune. But it wasn’t like JJ was sweeping her off her feet or anything either. He was going about like nothing had changed and they were just friends. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it? She kept telling herself that. She didn’t want any strings attached. She thought, if anybody could do the “friends with benefits” thing, it would be her an JJ. She preached sexual freedom and JJ, well JJ wasn’t exactly exclusive in these matters either. As far as Kie was concerned, JJ flirted with every girl on the island and had macked on at least half the female population. 

They went to parties at the boneyard and Kie watched as JJ flirted with a different girl every time. She pretended like it didn’t hurt because it was what they discussed, right? They’d said, in no uncertain terms, that one time in 8th grade, that what they were doing wouldn’t come between them. That it wouldn’t ruin their friendship. Clearly, JJ had no problem with this, as Kie often woke up on the pull out to a random girl leaving the chateau in the morning. She pretended to be fine with it. Sometimes, she even encouraged him; she’d point out an attractive girl at a party and roll her eyes when he mussed up her hair and left her side.

Things didn’t really change, though. They were still best friends and JJ still flirted with her like there’s no tomorrow. They were still pogues. It was just sometimes Kie longed for someone to understand her and she knew JJ always did. Sure, he wasn’t great with words, but he could always make her smile. They were always there for each other.

When Kie kissed John B, she could have sworn she’d seen a flash of jealousy pass over JJ’s face, but maybe she was imagining things. JJ wouldn’t be jealous. He had dozens of girls who wanted to sleep with him. Why would he want to be with her, when those other girls were incredibly thin, blonde, and busty? Kie had self confidence issues, like any girl, and it seemed the more time JJ spent around other girls, the worse her self esteem got. Maybe that was why she’d gone for John B. Having a guy like her made her feel desirable.

It wasn’t like guys didn’t look at her. She’d been called hot. She just didn’t see what everyone else saw. All she saw was a girl with too many flaws and a body that didn’t quite look right. She’d avoid mirrors. She never ate junk food unless her boys were around and it was unavoidable. She did yoga and worked on her fitness, but no matter how hard she tried, she just didn’t look like Sarah Cameron. Sarah Cameron who had the perfect figure and hair. Sarah Cameron who looked perfect in everything, knew how to pose for picture, and walked with such grace and confidence. Kie could’t shake the feeling that she was just one of the guys.

So when they celebrated after finding the first piece of gold and JJ had his arm slung around another girl at the boneyard, Kie’s reaction was completely justified.

She watched as JJ laughed at something the girl said. It probably wasn’t even funny. JJ just liking making girls think they’re funny. Kie watched as the girl threw her head back and he placed a kiss on her neck. Kie watched as the girl giggled at something JJ said and leaned forward so half her breasts came out of her bikini top. Kie watched and watched and watched and finally had enough. She knew she was overreacting and being an idiot, but she couldn’t take anymore. She shoved her beer into the sand and got up to leave.

She made it half way to the Chateau when she heard someone running after her. She instinctively made to run. Her own encounter with Rafe the Pogues’ recent activities, made her more fearful than she’d normally be.

“Hey!” A bright voice rang out along the beach. “Hey Kie, wait up!”

Kie didn’t want to turn around. She didn’t want to see his face.

“What is it, JJ?” Kie kept her back to his quickly approaching body.

“Sarah’s askin’ about you. Why’re ya takin’ off?”

“Why not?” Kie mumbled.

“We found the gold, baby! Why the hell shouldn’t you want to celebrate?”

“Honestly, I’m just not in the mood.”

“Not in the mood? You’re not in the mood to be a millionaire?” JJ ran up next to her, but Kie refused to face him.

“You know what, JJ, it’s not about the God damn money, okay?”

“What?” JJ paced nervously. “What’s the problem, then?”

“My problem,” Kie raised her voice slightly. “Is that you don’t seem to understand that there is a problem.”

JJ didn’t respond right away and Kie knew it was because he was trying to make sense of everything. In his defence, the world was turning at twice it’s normal speed at that moment in time.

“Was someone giving you a hard time?” He said carefully.

“No,” said Kie.

“Then I don’t get it? We’re gonna be God damn loaded, Kie! C’mon back and I’ll split some of my cousins dope with you.”

“You go.”

“What?”

“You go back,” said Kie quietly. “You’ve got the blonde waiting for you.”

It was at that point that JJ finally got a glimpse of Kie’s face. “Kie…” he watched her carefully. “She’s already left.”

“Why? Cause you left?”

“No, cause I asked her to.”

“Why?”

“Because she was annoying as fuck. And also because Sarah Cameron kept glaring daggers at me.”

“Smart girl,” said Kie.

“She didn’t mean anything, Kie, seriously.”

“Then why do it?” Kie took in a quivering breath. She couldn’t cry. Not now.

“Honestly?” JJ reached out to her, but she backed off. “Look, Kie—“

“You know what? I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear some bullshit excuse about _oh Kie it didn’t mean anything_ or _I was just macking around_. Don’t you _ever_ think before you act? Christ, I’m not jealous or anything, but it’s fucking disgusting.”

“I told her to leave.”

“Well you shouldn’t have.”

“Why?” JJ’s eyes narrowed in frustration.

“Because she was hot! And for fuck’s sake, JJ, I shouldn’t be reacting like this but _here we are_ and I’m such an idiot for—“ Kie stopped herself and took a deep breath.

“You’re not an idiot,” JJ said simply. “And she wasn’t all that hot. Like I said, she was annoying as fuck.”

“You kissed her.”

“Shit, Kie, I didn’t think we had rules here.”

“We don’t.”

“Then why do you care?” JJ tried to keep up with Kie as she started walking again.

“I shouldn’t. You can sleep with whoever you want to sleep with.”

“Jesus, Kie, I’m not sleeping with her!” JJ cried. “Would you just calm down for a hot second?”

“I’m cool,” Kie waved him off.

“Look, I’m sorry I kissed her, alright? But it’s not like you haven’t been kissing anyone. What about you and John B?”

“What about it?” Kie asked bitterly. “I told you, it was a mistake.”

“Oh sure,” said JJ. “Just like dancing with every other guy is a mistake too.”

“You know what, JJ? Fuck you.”

JJ’s eyes widened at this. “Kie, if you’d let me explain I would—“

“I don’t want to hear it,” Kie cried. “Just leave me the fuck alone. Bang whoever you want and it’s cool. We’re cool. Just leave me alone.”

Kie didn’t wait for JJ to respond. She ran in the direction of the Chateau and her car and didn’t look back once. Things had been so much simpler before. A kiss was a kiss and she was willing to call it just that. Now they were older and a kiss was so much more.

***

Part of Kie regretting not hearing JJ out, but another part of her really didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to hear any more of his half-assed white bro excuses. He was a player and she just had to live with that fact. He wasn’t going to change just because she’d developed an odd sense of jealousy. And she hated that she’d let herself feel that way. She wasn’t even sure if she’d want to date JJ. She just didn’t like seeing him with other girls. It frustrated Kie to no end because she didn’t want to be one of those girls who pined after a boy in order to feel complete. She didn’t need a man.

She spent the next day both fearing for her life and wishing her feelings away.

She started to live in denial again. She kept trying to tell herself that she was fine with JJ’s playboy persona. That she should be able to do the same. Only, she couldn’t. She didn’t feel as confident as other girls did. Sure, she wore bikinis, but she almost always covered them up with something. A t-shirt even. She had her reasons, she just didn’t put them on display. Especially since she figured none of the other girls had reasons like she did.

It took JJ standing up in that God damn hot tub, for Kie to realize that she’d never be okay with him seeing other girls. She needed him and by the way he was holding on to her, at least for that night, he needed her. And there was no room for drama or bullshit or feelings beyond making this boy feel better. Healing him. Because he was so tired and broken and _God_ , Kie felt like such an idiot all over again. JJ probably went for all those girls as a distraction. Just like every fight with a Kook and every thrill he got from swiping something was a distraction and cry for help. He was all chaotic energy and hidden loneliness.

God, Kie knew she shouldn’t cry, but damn it all to hell if JJ’s tears finally triggered her own. She didn’t let herself full out sob, because she had to be there for JJ and JJ’s pain was both physical and mental. She wasn’t an idiot. She noticed his self deprecating sense of humour and his complete lack of regard for his own well being. And it was while she helped him out of the hot tub and into the chateau, that she realized how old he’d become. He was sixteen, but he looked more than ten years older. Completely warn out and depleted. He’d seen and experienced way too much in his sixteen years and was forced to grow up was too fast. Just like so many other kids around the cut. They grow up bitter, hard, and resentful.

“Sit,” Kie helped JJ sit on the toiled lid. It had become their dance. He’d come to the chateau banged up a few times since that first time, and every time Kie sat him down with such tenderness that it almost broke him completely. Only this time he was already broken and his body was mangled in ways Kie had never seen before.

“I almost killed him,” JJ said, voice cracking. 

“Shh,”Kie took a breath and willed her tears to stop in their tracks. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, Kie,” JJ took in a shuddering breath as Kie checked his ribcage. “I thought about it. I almost did it. I wanted— _fuck,_ a part of me _wanted_ to do it.”

“But you didn’t,” said Kie.

“You don’t get it. I scare the shit out of myself sometimes. Sometimes I’ll get so angry and it’s like, fuck—“ JJ swore while a fresh onslaught of tears escaped him. “I…I think I’m gonna turn into him.”

Kie stared at the crumbling boy in front of her. “No way, JJ,” she whispered. “There’s no way in hell you’re gonna turn into Luke.” She refused to call him JJ’s father. He wasn’t a father and frankly, she wanted to kill him too. “You’re a good person.”

“You sure as hell weren’t thinking that yesterday.”

“Who cares about yesterday.”

“I do,” said JJ weakly.

“I was an idiot, yesterday,” said Kie.

“Well…so was I.”

“Who cares about that right now, okay?” Kie disinfected the last of his injuries and began wrapping them.

“Fine,” JJ muttered. He didn’t have the energy to argue any further. The pain killers Kie had given him were kicking in and he started to become more aware of things besides the dull throb consuming his entire body. He heard Big John’s old record player playing and smiled in spite of himself. “The fuck is that?” He asked in amusement.

“It’s one of my favourite records. I thought you might like it. It always calms me down.”

“Oh,” JJ continued listening for a moment. “He’s a weird voice.”

“It just takes some getting used to. Besides, it’s more about the words anyway.”

JJ nodded as the record kept playing and Kie applied the last bandage to his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“No problem,” Kie made to help JJ up, but he waved her off and made his way to the pull out alone. He was too used to coping with pain. He slowly fell back onto the pull out and motioned for Kie to join him.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he wriggled an eyebrow suggestively. Somehow their old banter made Kie relax slightly.

“Sure. The sound is better from there anyway.”

“You keep tellin’ yourself that,” JJ chuckled and hissed. “Damn ribs.” He grit his teeth.

“I’m sorry,” Kie lay down next to him cautiously. “I know you don’t want to hear that right now, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to go through this and I’m sorry I didn’t understand why you bought that stuff for us and I’m sorry—“ 

“Shhh,” JJ shushed her. “I’m trying to listen to this song.”

“Sure,” Kie rolled her eyes. It was just like JJ to deflect, but stay amusing nonetheless.

_Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth, "rip down all hate, " I screamed_

_Lies that life is black and white spoke from my skull, I dreamed_

_Romantic facts of musketeers foundationed deep, somehow_

_Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now._

“The dude’s got a way with words,” JJ remarked as they listened. How they came to hold hands, he had no idea, but he wasn’t complaining. In fact, the gentle caress of Kie’s thumb made him feel protected and at ease.

“It’s Bob Dylan, man,” she smiled up at the ceiling.

“I’ve never listened to much Dylan.”

“You should,” Kie glanced over at him.

JJ smiled back. “Yeah, I should.”

“JJ?”

“What?”

“I really am sorry for yesterday. I was way out of line.”

JJ snorted at this. “No you weren’t. I was an asshole.”

“I mean… kind of,” Kie mirrored JJ’s smirk.

“Tell me one true thing.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll tell you one too. Like, a truth for a truth,” JJ explained.

Kie nodded slowly. “Alright.”

“Were you jealous?”

They both seemed to hold their breath and Kie instinctively held JJ’s hand tighter.

“Yeah…” Kie breathed. “Because I’m not like those other girls you sleep with… and I don’t get, if you don’t even like them, why you try and get with them? Obviously they have something I don’t.”

“For that answer, I’ll give you a two for one deal,” JJ looked into her eyes. “First truth: I don’t sleep with them. Sometimes I want to, and I’ve messed around a bit, but I haven’t slept with anyone.”

“ _What?”_ Kie stared at JJ.

“Don’t act so surprised,” he grinned. “Believe me, I’ve had plenty of offers. I just don’t want to sleep with someone I don’t trust. Plus…” JJ paused for a second. “One time I took my shirt off in front of this one girl, and she got kinda freaked out ‘cause of… you know,” he gestured to his battered body.

“Shit,” Kie breathed.

“It’s whatever,” JJ replied swiftly. “Anyway, second truth… why I still mack on them? I dunno. It’s fun, I guess, and it gets your attention. I know it’s stupid, but half the time I’m with those other girls, I’m just doing it to get you to look my way.”

“That is stupid,” said Kie.

“Yeah well, guys are pretty fucking stupid.”

“Got that right,” said Kie.

“Hey!” JJ cried. “I just gave you a two for one truth deal.”

“Noted.”

“Kie…” JJ reached up his other hand and brushed her cheek. “Who cares if you’re not like those other chics, huh? You’re a hell of a lot better.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my friend,” Kie’s voice shook slightly.

“No, I’m saying that because we’re telling each other the truth and that’s the truth.”

Kie tried to nod at JJ’s words, but she didn’t quite believe them.

“Can I show you something?” She moved away from him a bit.

“Uh…sure?” JJ watched her carefully.

“Promise me you’ll tell me the truth. Not like, as a friend, but as a guy.”

“Kie, that’s weird, I—“

“Please?” Kie gripped the edge of her shirt and took a deep breath.

JJ seemed to sense what was going to happen and swallowed thickly. “Okay.”

Kie took another deep breath and took her shirt off. She still had her bikini top on, but with the light of the nearby candles, she feared everything was on display. The weird little roll of fat she couldn’t get rid of, and a complete lack of any kind of definition or sculpting. Her tummy wasn’t flat and oh _god,_ his eyes roamed over her torso and she thought she was going to die.

“They won’t go away…” Kie traced her fingers over a few stretch marks by the band of her shorts. “I got them because I gained weight in the sixth grade and…”

“Kie…” JJ put a hand over hers to stop her tracing. Instead his hand took her place. “Everyone’s got shit they feel like they need to hide.”

Kie stared at JJ as he practically painted over her torso with his finger tips.

“Sarah Cameron doesn’t have stretch marks or a muffin top.”

“Sarah Cameron is annoying as fuck as super high maintenance,” JJ said earnestly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s growing on me, but she’s not hot.”

“Everyone else seems to think so.”

“Everyone else is an idiot,” JJ stated evenly. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with how you look.”

“You’re not just saying that,” Kie looked up and into his eyes to check for any signs of a lie.

“I promise you I’m not.”

“Fuck,” Kie shivered as JJ brushed her cheek again. “I’m sorry. It’s not like me to be all insecure and girlie.”

“It’s fine,” said JJ. “I know I suck at advice, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re hot as fuck.”

Kie almost laughed out loud, but JJ’s proximity stopped her.

“JJ…” Kie breathed.

His hand resting on hip began to move up towards her ribcage and bikini top. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” Kie’s breath hitched and then there it was again. Blissful oblivion and JJ’s lips pressed against her own. Only now they were skin on skin and wow, that was so much better than making out or necking or anything they’d done before. All the mattered was his hands and his kisses and holy hell, his gentle nip at her lip.

“Shit,” JJ shifted his weight to the side so they faced each other. (Thank God for extra strength Advil.) “You smell so good,” he introduced his tongue against her lips and they parted. They kissed, hot and heated for a moment, before JJ broke away to breath and planted little lips and suckling kisses against her neck.

“ _JJ,_ ” Kie all but moaned his name as he latched onto the spot he knew drove her crazy.

He hummed something against her throat and busied himself with his hands. One hand caressed her back up to the tie of her bikini top and one hand rested on her hip.

“Can I…?”

“Yeah,” Kie sat up a smidge to help him untie the back. He didn’t take it off all at once. He stared into her eyes and kissed her lips and neck a handful of times as his finger tips tranced the outline of her bikini. He was both teasing and giving her an out because this was uncharted territory. He could tell by the way every kiss and swipe of his hands made her shiver. He gave her a kind of look and Kie read it easily. _I haven't done this either,_ it said, and Kie smiled. 

“God, you’re incredible,” JJ kissed down her collar bone and pulled her top off slowly.

“I’m sorry they’re not very— _fuck,”_ Kie simultaneously flushed in embarrassment, grabbed JJ’s hair in desire, and tensed in shock.

“Good?” JJ grinned up at her devilishly.

“Don’t you _dare_ stop.”

And he didn’t. He watched her cues and kissed her until she was writhing and breathless.

Finally, Kie pulled him back up to kiss her.

“What…” he kissed her cheek. “Do…” he kissed her neck. “You want to do?”

“What do you want?” Kie breathed.

“No, no, no,” JJ mumbled against her skin. “You call the shots here, okay?”

Kie paused for a moment to gather her wits and bearings. They still had their bottoms on, but Kie could clearly feel how aroused JJ was. The fact gave her a jolt of pride.

“Can we just…” she raised up her hips to grind against his. “But keep them on?”

“Yeah,” JJ stared down at her. Her hair was a mess and her lips were swollen, but damn it all to hell, if she wasn’t gorgeous. He said as much out loud and Kie’s smile was about the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“We’re still friends though, right?” Kie shivered as their hips met.

“Absolutely,” JJ grunted slightly. “Shit, Kie, that feels…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence. Everything Kie was doing: gripping his hair, kissing his neck, whispering sweat words in his ear, was bringing him closer to the finish. God, he wanted to hold into the moment forever. Holding her, feeling her, forgetting everything that was going on. It was damn near perfect.

Kie cried out his name and he gripped onto her like a life line. He followed her soon after and pressed a series of kisses to her neck and forehead. 

“Wow,” JJ fell back against the bed and wrapped his arms around Kie.  
“Who would have thought? Kie is the master of dry humping.”

“Oh my God, seriously JJ?” Kie blushed deep red.

“I’m being serious”

“That was amazing,” she giggled in spite of herself.

“You’re amazing,” JJ said smoothly.

“You are too, JJ,” Kie placed a small kiss to his lips. “Please don’t ever listen to your dad. You’re a good person and you’re not going to turn into him.”

JJ didn’t respond. He merely smiled at her sadly and kissed her hair.

_Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats too noble to neglect_

_Deceived me into thinking I had something to protect_

_Good and bad, I define these terms quite clear, no doubt, somehow_

_Ah, but I was so much older then I'm younger than that now._

“Kie?”

“Yeah?”

“That was a damn good song,” JJ smiled.

Kie wanted to respond, but she fell asleep before any more words or feelings passed by her lips.


	5. First Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one. I had a hard time making this chapter work, so I hope it turned out half ways alright.   
> Just a warning, there is some tasteful smut at the end of this chapter. It's not detailed or too much, but if you're not down, just...skip it? haha I feel like it still falls in the teen rating, though maybe more 14A.   
> Anyway, this is the second last chapter. There will be one more after this soooo I'm currently working on that.   
> Let me know what you think and I hope this makes y'all feel the feels.

And just when JJ thought life couldn’t get any worse, it did. His best friend was gone, possibly dead, disappeared from his life forever. John B would never tell him to cool his jets, give him a bandaid without a sympathetic glance, or join him in a beer chugging contest ever again. JJ knew there was a possibility that John B wasn’t dead but realistically? Christ, nobody could have survived that storm. JJ shivered uncontrollably in the tent and he didn’t know what was worse: Kie’s broken wails or Mr. Hayward’s sympathetic gaze. It was so fucked up and he was alone. Of course, he knew he would be, but a small part of him still longed for his father to magically show up, sober and ready to change.

Mr. Hayward offered him a place to stay with them for the night, but JJ knew he couldn’t accept. Not when the combination of Pope’s parents sympathy was breaking him enough already. Plus he knew, deep down, Pope’s family didn’t exactly like him. JJ Maybank wasn’t the kind of friend you wanted to bring home.

Kie must have overheard JJ rejecting Pope’s offer, because she pushed herself out of her parents’ hold and launched herself at him.

“Stay with us,” Kie cried into his shoulder. JJ held her, just as fiercely, but was keenly aware of her parents’ unpleasant expressions.

“No way, Kie,” JJ whispered into her hair.

So his mind was made up and no matter how hard Kie clung on to him, one realization he’d come to was at the forefront of his mind. He loved Kie and he’d do anything for her. That keeping her from drowning in his life. One look at her family and he knew that he had to walk away. She didn’t deserve him.

***

JJ knew going home was stupid, but realistically, he didn’t have any other option. He needed clothes and food; both of which would be found, in at least some capacity, at his home. JJ wanted to stay at the chateau long-term, but he knew he had to at least pack up the last of his essentials from home, before he could do that. Plus, the longer he waited to go home, the better the chances were of his father realizing he’d stolen the phantom.

Kie had given him a therapy session once (completely unprovoked and, in his opinion, idiotic) where she tried to explain to him that he was self distractive. And that part of the reason why I kept going home was because he didn’t think he deserved better. At the time, JJ waved Kie’s psycho babble off as hippie quackery, but in that moment, he thought there was some truth to it. But in his heart of hearts, JJ knew the reason why he found himself walking up those porch steps to his house was because he couldn’t face the chateau alone. Everything was still too fresh. Even if he had stayed on a park bench or on the beach, in that moment, he couldn’t. Not in a torrential downpour and now without any provisions of a blanket. 

So, with Kie’s parents’ voices ringing in his ears and the memory of John B still so fresh, JJ opened the door to his home and braced himself.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Luke Maybank sat on the couch and turned to his son slowly. Too slowly. Like a lion poised to attack.

“I was just…” JJ swallowed hard. God, when did he get scared again? Just a few days ago he’d threatened his father with a wrench. “I gotta get some stuff and I’ll be gone.”

“Takin’ off on your ol’ man, huh?”

“Bound to happen,” JJ mumbled. He could make a dash for it, but it was too risky. He was already too far into the house and JJ could tell, with horrifying clarity, that his father was sober. Possibly experiencing withdraw.

“Out playin’ with your punk friends again?”

“Not really I, uh—“

“Imagine my surprise,” Luke got up from the couch and took two strides towards JJ. “When I find my key gone. And I think to myself, who woulda done somethin’ like that? What kind of _fucked up_ person would do that?”

“Dad I—“

“But you are pretty fucked up, aren’t you, JJ? You’re useless,” Luke spat and JJ flinched. The words hurt worse that the blows sometimes. Luke took a few steps closer. JJ tried backing up, but it was no use. He’d either back into the wall or back into the kitchen; both not great options.

“John B…he needed it,” JJ took a deep breath as he felt behind him on the counter. Luke noticed this and gripped his wrist at record speed.

“You think you’re so fucking clever,” Luke hissed and held JJ’s hand against the counter top. JJ tried to fight back with one hand, but he was exhausted. Sleep deprived and scared out of him mind. His father seemed to notice this and laughed as he landed a punch on JJ’s jaw with ease.

“Dad!” JJ cried between blows. “Dad, please! I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry!”

“First you cost me $30,000.00 and then you take my boat. You take it—“ Luke punched JJ in the chest so he doubled over in pain. “Like the entitled brat you are. Learn some god damn respect!”

“I’m sorry,” JJ winced and prepared himself for more, but was greeted with a chilling silence. At first, he stayed bent over, afraid to see what his father had planned next. Slowly, he looked up, all the while holding his hands out in front of him like a shield. He felt cool metal against his neck and froze.

“I really don’t think you’re sorry,” Luke held a knife to JJ’s throat. “I think you’re a little shit.”

“Dad…” JJ shook. He had no idea what to do. He’d be threatened and beaten, but never, had he seen his life flash before his eyes quite so vividly as in that moment. “Dad, please…I’ll get more work. I don’t care if I have to travel on and off the island. I’ll pay for everything. Every penny. I’ll…” JJ’s tried to continue, but the blade pressing further into his neck made him flinch and trail off.

“Ain’t no way a dumb kid like you is going to make that kinda money. You’re useless, you know that? Ever since your mother left, all you’ve done is cause me misery and money. You’re a useless piece of shit. You’ll never amount to anything and the faster you get that through your head, the better.”

JJ nodded and shook from head to toe as the blade made a small incision.

“Dad, please…” JJ didn’t know what he was begging for. His life? A chance? An apology? A way out?

But then— a miracle of sorts.

JJ’s phone went off. The buzzing and punk rock song he had as his ring tone, disrupted his father’s focus. JJ took the advantage and pushed Luke back so he banged his head on the cupboard and passed out.

His phone continued buzzing and ringing, but he chose to ignore it. He had maybe half an hour before his dad would wake up again and he had to grab everything and anything he could fit into a bag. He found his old duffle bag from middle school and haphazardly tossed in some clothes, peanut butter, crackers, any cash he could find, weed, pain killers, a blanket, and cereal.

Thankfully, Luke was still passed out on the floor when JJ tiptoed by him and out the door. It was still pouring with rain and JJ groaned as he got on his bike. He made it to the chateau in one piece. He blinked back tears while making his way over to the chateau, cursing under his breath. Every step and ever breath hurt.

But then he had to squint. Someone was sitting on the porch steps in the rain.

Even in his condition, JJ recognized the curled up form in an instant.

“Kie?” JJ stumbled forward towards her shivering body. “Kiara?”

At her full name, Kie lifted her head. She was still crying (well, bawling would be more accurate) and she’d been outside in the rain for well over an hour.

“JJ,” Kie’s voice was hardly above a whisper.

“Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?” JJ tried to bend down to her level, but had to do so carefully and with gritted teeth.

Kie stared up at him and her breath hitched. She was taking in his condition. “Oh my God, JJ, you didn’t…”

“I had to, Kie.”

“Why? You could have stayed with any of us. You could have—“

“I needed to get my things, okay? I want to move into the chateau until…” _Until John B and Sarah come back_ , he wanted to finish, but didn’t. But couldn’t. Clinging onto to hope mentally was one thing, but making it a reality seemed pathetic.

“Until they come back,” Kie bowed her head. “I get it.”

“Shit,” JJ took her in. “What’re you doing out here?”

“I couldn’t go in alone.”

“Right,” JJ nodded weakly. “Let’s go.”

They did a sort of awkward dance and tried to help each other up. They managed to maneuver themselves into the chateau and then it’s like the waves finally came crashing down. Kie almost fell forward, but JJ caught her with a grunt. His injuries hurt like hell, but the pain had to wait.

JJ could hear Kie’s short breaths and tried to focus.

“Breath for me, Kie,” JJ sat her down on the ramshackle pull out. “Nice n’ slow like we always do, okay?”

“Okay,” said Kie as she copied JJ’s breathing.

It took about five minutes, but she finally calmed down enough to be consoled.

“What’re you doing here?” JJ knelt in front of her and brushed away a steady stream of tears that made their way down her cheeks.

“My parents—“ Kie gasped. “They wouldn’t stop telling me about how they’re going to take me away. Planning my life out and telling me who I’m aloud and not aloud to see. I begged them to let me see you but—“ Kie stopped dead.

“But what?”

“My parents are idiots.”

“I know that, Kie. What did they say about you seeing me?”

“They—“ Kie took in a shaky breath. “They said if I associated with you guys anymore, I wouldn’t be their daughter anymore.”

“Kie—“

“That night, when I went to that party, and you picked me up… you know Rafe was going to rape me, right? He was going to _rape_ me and my mother thought I was making a scene and was an embarrassment.”

“Jesus, Kiara,” JJ processed her words with a mixture of anger and disbelief. Privilege could buy you a lot of nice things, but it couldn’t buy you love. Kiara longed to be loved.

“I told them I was leaving and they didn’t stop me. My mother didn’t even look at me. It was like, one minute she was crying happy that I was safe, and the next, she’s controlling my life.”

JJ nodded again and gulped. “Please tell me you didn’t leave because of me.”

“Kind of,” Kie watched him as he sat down beside her with a slight wince. “But I needed to get out. Besides, I think I’m kinda kicked out anyway.”

“But I don’t want to be the reason for that.”

“You’re not,” Kie placed a careful hand to the bruise on his cheek. “What happened?”

“My dad already knows about the Phantom.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

Kie’s fingers traced the developing bruise downwards and JJ clenched his jaw. He knew what was coming next.

“Did he…?” Kie’s fingers stopped at the somewhat deep cut on his neck. “Oh my God, he pulled a knife on you?”

“Yeah, that was new,” JJ tried to chuckle. His hand went to his jean pocket when his phone buzzed. Two missed called from Kie. “Oh hey, fun fact, I think you may have saved my life by calling me.”

“JJ…”

“I’m serious!”

“JJ, I wish I could—“

“Fuck!” JJ fumbled in his pocket as he put his phone away again. He grabbed at his hair in frustration.

“What?”

“I must have dropped my wallet at home and…”

“Shit,” Kie tried to reach out for JJ’s hand but he was too preoccupied.

“I gotta go back.”

“ _What?”_ Kie cried.

JJ chose to ignore her outburst. “He could use all my cards, Kie. I’ve got some money saved on the one and he could clean me out completely.”

“Then you’ll save some more,” Kie tried to reason. “You can’t go back there.”

“I have to. I spent years saving that money.”

“Don’t…JJ, _please_ ,” Kie put a hand on JJ’s cheek and, in a last ditch effort to get him to see reason, kissed him once.

“Kie…” JJ pulled back with a small sigh. “I’ll be back.”

“Don’t go.”

“Set the time to me, I’ll be back within the hour, okay?”

“You’re not going alone,” Kie said firmly.

“Well, you’re not going with me.”

“Oh yeah?” Kie stepped out the door and into the rain again. “Watch me.”

“God damn it Kie, don’t do this!”

“I’m going with you,” Kie opened the van door. “I’ll drive.”

JJ followed her into the car. He knew he was fighting a losing battle. They drove until he could almost see his house. Then he stopped her.

“Stop here,” he said firmly.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want him knowin’ you’re here. You stay in here and don’t leave, okay? I’ll be right back,” said JJ.

“JJ, please let me help. I can fight! I can help you—“

JJ held her face in his hands and kissed her suggestion away. She pulled away, breathless and desperate.

“Let me do this, Kie. Please. Don’t go in there.”

“JJ—“

Another kiss, this one more desperate. It left Kie breathless and scared out of her mind.

“I’ve got my phone. I’ll be okay. I just need to make sure that you are. Me getting hurt is one thing but you…Christ, Kiara, if something happened to you, I’d never forgive myself. Because here’s a true thing: the thought of losing you, scares the shit out of me.”

Kiara digested his words between shallow breaths and rapid blinking.

“You’re not gonna lose me.”

“Okay,” JJ breathed a sigh of relief. “Then please, for fuck sakes, stay here.”

Kie nodded jerkily, but it was enough for JJ. He gave her one last peck and a reassuring smile and was out of sight.

Kie sat in agony. It felt like hours. She kept checking her phone and tried texting JJ once, after three minutes had passed. They were three minutes too long. Then four minutes too long. At five minutes, Kie had enough. She took a deep breath, left the van, and sprinted for JJ’s house. She could hear the shouting before she saw what was going on. The things Luke was shouting at JJ, God, it broke her heart. _Useless, piece of shit, good for nothing, waste of space_ and then finally, _useless excuse for a son._ She didn’t hear any physical fighting, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t happening. Kie crouched behind the window and slowly looked into it. She could see that JJ had his wallet in his hand, but his dad had him backed into a corner. He had a broom in his hand. She’d seen enough.

She burst into the house with absolutely no plan.

“Don’t you _dare_ touch him again!” Kie screamed at the top of her lungs. Her presence and volume made both men jump. JJ stared at her from across the kitchen, all pain and then, a sudden flash of fear.

Luke whipped around and laughed out loud.“What you gonna do, girl?”

Kie stood her ground, though shaking, and stated momentarily mute. Because she had no idea what she was going to do. The fear in JJ’s eyes was soul crushing and the blind rage in Luke Maybank’s was terrifying. And then Kie realized that the look Luke was giving her was a look that JJ had lived with for years. His own blood looked at him like that and the realization hit Kie like a ton a bricks. She would never let JJ see that look again.

“I’m taking JJ home,” said Kie.

“Like hell,” Luke spat. “He has a God damn dept to pay.”

“He doesn’t owe you anything!” Kie cried.

“Kie…dont,” JJ made to move away from the wall, but his dad pushed him back.

“Don’t touch him!” Kie took a step towards them.

Luke looked at her and laughed again. He took the broom and swung at her, but Kie had quick reflexes and dodged out of the way quite easily.

Luke’s focus on Kie, gave JJ and escape rout. He jammed his wallet in his pocket and ran to join Kie.

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” JJ hissed at her.

“Helping you,” Kie watched as the broom came down between them.

“Get out,” JJ pushed her towards the door.

“Not without you,” she grabbed his hands and pulled them both out into the storm again. They could hear Luke following them, cussing all the way, and narrowly missing JJ with the broom once. The broom handle almost hit Kie’s wrist, but JJ dropped his hands and pushed her to the side fast enough. They only had to outrun him to the van.

Then, JJ thought he was going to die. Kie slipped on a muddy patch of grass and fell down beside him.

“Kie! No!” JJ ran towards her. He saw it happening in slow motion. The broom coming down and Kie trying to dodge it. She fell further into the ground and the broom handle landed on the side of her torso. Kie cried out, something about _leave him alone_ and _don’t you dare go after him again_ and kicked up towards Luke so he fell backwards. JJ lunged forward and grabbed the broom from him and hit him hard across the head, affectively knocking him out.

“JJ,” Kie watched him get off his father. He whipped his head in her direction and almost sobbed.

“Kie,” he crouched down next to her. “Don’t you ever do something that stupid ever again!”

“He was gonna—“

“I don’t care!”

“I do!”

“Kiara,” JJ pressed a shaky kiss to her forehead. “He hurt you.”

Kie melted into the gesture. “We need to get out of here.”

“Fine by me,” said JJ. They helped each other up, as was custom, and sped back to the chateau.

***

Kie made them mint tea and tended to JJ’s injuries. There was no power, so JJ found and lit every conceivable candle along with a few scented ones that Sarah had given John B. Kie could’t help but smile when JJ mentioned something about them being pumpkin spice scented and how basic of a choice that was. They turned the record player on and JJ suggested The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, because he’d become obsessed with it, but also because he knew it was Kie’s favourite. They sipped their tea on the edge of the pull out for a while, somehow scared of breaking the tension that existed between them.

JJ spoke first.

“Promise me, you won’t do anything like that again.”

Kie shook her head. “I can’t make any promises, JJ. I’d do anything for you.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Why? Because I care?”

“Yeah,” JJ bit his lip. “I’m not worth it, Kie. Don’t—don’t fuck up your life because of me.”

“I’m not fucking up my life,” said Kie adamantly. “You’re my best friend. Best friends look out for each other no matter what. You’d do the same for me, right?”

“I’d die for you,” JJ said and looked at Kie in a way that made her breath hitch. He was telling the truth.

“You’re life is not expendable.”

“Neither is yours, Kie. When my dad—when I saw him come after you I— _fuck—“_ JJ’s body kinda of lurched forward and for second Kie thought he was going to be sick, but instead he let out a gut wrenching sob.

“Hey…” Kie reached out and put an arm around his back. “JJ, look at me.”

JJ dropped his shaking hands from his face and turned to face her. “I’m sorry, I’m just—“

“I know,” said Kie. “I’m sorry I went in after you when you asked me not to, but I got scared.”

“He could have _killed_ you, Kiara.”

“I’m fine.”

“He could have beaten you down and—“

“I’m fine,” Kie put her hands in his and pressed their foreheads together.

“You mean so much to me, Kie, and I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t even get it. I don’t get what you see in me or why you’d risk yourself to help me.”

Kie knew she was crying too because JJ’s hands kept swiping along her cheeks, mirroring what she was doing for him. It was at that moment that Kie understood; JJ’s constant flirting with other girls, his weird teasing with her, his tendency to fly off the handle when one of them was threatened, it was all because he didn’t understand love. Because he’d never felt it. Not before the pogues. If it weren’t for them, Kie realized, he wouldn’t believe in love at all. He would simply not know it. So Kie took a risk.

“You know I love you, right? We all do,” Kie phrased in a way that wasn’t too heavy. In a way that made it seem like she loved him as a friend. But all it took was one look from JJ and she knew she was kidding herself.

“I—“ JJ pulled back from her forehead ever so slightly. “I wish I could explain—“

“It’s okay,” Kie placed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Take your time. I understand.”

JJ breathed shakily and Kie could feel his breath fan against her face. “I love you guys too,” he whispered. “I know I don’t say it enough but…I love you guys too.”

Kie tried to smile. Part of her thought JJ would say he loved her too, but she understood why he didn’t. If he hardly felt love outside of them, how could he understand it? Feel it? Explain it? The fact of the matter was, JJ did love Kie, but he just didn’t know how to express it. Instead of trying to find the words, JJ did what he did best, he acted. He saw Kie’s heartbroken expression and pressed his lips to hers. She didn’t respond at first and it was messy to say the least. They were broken, crying, emotional, and hopelessly confused.

Kie kissed him and wrapped her arms around his neck and _God_ it felt good to be held again. They shared long, desperate kisses, nipping and panting, begging for release. Kie shivered and sighed when JJ swiped his tongue against her lips. She opened to him as he pressed himself against her so they fell back onto the pullout. JJ braced himself around Kie’s head, so he didn’t crush her, and groaned when their tongues finally met. A crack of thunder from outside broke them apart for a moment. The candle flickered beside them on the banged up table top and it felt for all the world like one of those horrible romance movies they both hated.

“You call the shots, Kie,” JJ stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“I’ve never… I’m still a…” Kie flushed with embarrassment.

“I know,” JJ said earnestly. “That’s why I’m saying, this is all your call. Your first time should be a distraction or a way to mask pain.”

Kie stared up at him. It wasn’t like JJ to be so philosophical. Maybe she was rubbing off on him. But by the way he looked at her, so tender and gentle, Kie finally understood. JJ cared. He always had. That was why he offered to be her first kiss, why he picked her up from that Kook party, and why he tried to shield her from his insecurities. He cared about her and at that moment, she realized with blistering clarity, how much she cared about him.

“Do you know why I went into your house, JJ?” Kie could feel herself tearing up again.

“Why?”

“Because you’ve always been there for me. Because you care more than anybody else I know. Because you’re a good person. Because life dealt you a shitty fucking hand of cards andyou’re still the strongest, bravest, and most loving person I know.”

JJ seemed to digest Kie’s words with trepidation. Like he wasn’t quite sure if she was telling the truth or not. “Loving?” He repeated the word shakily.

“Yeah, JJ, loving. The way you took the blame for Pope and how you go with every hair-brained idea of John B’s—“ Kie had to pause at the mention of his name. “And the way you stick up for us all the time, every time. You go through the world with such loving energy.”

Kie knew he was having trouble processing her words because he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw. Finally, he flashed her a half hearted grin. “I should start keeping a diary so I can write that shit down.”

They both chuckled at this, their breath mingling again as they inched even closer together. Their lips brushed before Kie finally closed her eyes and surrendered over to sensation. She didn’t know if anything would come of this or if this was just a one time thing, but at that moment it didn’t matter. At that moment all she felt was spine tingling, toe curling pleasure. JJ’s tongue exploring her mouth. His hands under her shirt, ghosting over her ribcage and waist.

“Oh _god,_ ” Kie couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her when JJ’s hand went over her bra covered breasts. She needed more. In a moment of confidence, Kie sat up slightly and took both her sport bra and t-shirt off in one motion. JJ’s eyes seemed to pop out of his head, prompting Kie to chuckle lightly. “Like something you see?”

“You have no idea,” JJ murmured. He wished he could be smoother, say something clever and slick like he did with other girls. But Kie wasn’t like any other girl. She meant everything to him.

Carefully, JJ situated them so Kie was lying on her back again and he propped himself up on top. He shrugged his shirt off quickly and stared at Kie as she started to wriggle out of her shorts. JJ stopped her hands as they trembled with the front button.

“Let me,” he said, his voice low. Though his hands trembled a bit too, he felt Kie relaxing as he kissed her hips and slowly pulled the shorts off and down her legs. His hips almost bucked when Kie wrapped her fingers around the waistband of his trunks and, oh Jesus, her touch was so feather light and so gentle, it almost finished him right then and there. Somehow his shorts joined hers on the floor and then they were all hands. Kie’s dancing across his chest and into his hair; his memorizing the curve of her waist and coming up to pleasure her chest. Kie moaned, actually moaned, when JJ latched onto her neck. At her moan, he pulled back. It was as if the spell had broken.

There was a kind of vulnerability in his eyes and Kie’s heart went from beating out of her chest to stopping completely for a beat. Usually, JJ was all jokes and wild reckless energy. Kie half expected JJ to say something funny or low key offensive, but his expression was far from joking. Kie’s mind was spinning. JJ bowed his head and placed a slow kiss to her forehead, taking his hands off her body in the process. Kie flinched and JJ pulled back to look at her.

“It’s me, isn’t it?” Kie asked, her voice laced with fear.

“What?”

“Why you’re stopping. What kind of guy stops right before they’re about to get laid? Obviously it’s me. Obviously I’m gross or not what you thought or—“

“Kie…”

“I mean, I get it. I’ve got insecurities and I’m an emotional wreck. I’m pretty fucked up, really, and—“

“Kie.”

“I don’t blame you. You deserve someone so much better and prettier and—“

“Kie!” JJ finally silenced her with a firm kiss. Once he deemed her sufficiently relaxed, he pulled back and brushed away a few remaining tears. “It’s not you,” he whispered. “You’re fucking gorgeous. I mean, this is what you do to me.” JJ pressed his hips against her own and _oh wow_ that was him she was feeling.

“Then I don’t understand…” Kie murmured.

“Look,” JJ gulped. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“It pretty much always hurts the first time for girls,” said Kie quietly.

JJ shook his head. “I know, but that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh.”

“What I mean is, what if this changes things and I can’t be who you deserve. What if I turn into my dad? I don’t think he was always like this. At one point my mom fell in love with him and loved him enough to have me. I don’t get how he went from being my mom’s boyfriend to… who he is now,” JJ paused to collect his jumbled thoughts. He had to get this out right. Kie deserved to understand that it wasn’t her. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Kie, and I want—shit— I want this to be more than a hook up to make each other feel better. I wanna be able to save money and take you out properly. But I’m fucking scared that I’ll screw it up somehow. That I’ll hurt you or start drinking more or—“

This time it was Kie’s turn to kiss the insecurities away. She could feel JJ’s muscles relax as they kissed languidly.

“You,” Kie kissed his cheek. “Are not,” then his hairline. “Luke Maybank.”

JJ shivered as Kie ran a hand through his hair. “I wanna do right by you.”

“I know, JJ. I know. You always have and you always will.”

“You mean that?”

“Absolutely,” Kie breathed the words as JJ’s one hand came to rest by her head and the other stroked her hips.

“Are you sure about this?”

KIe stared up at him and nodded. “Yeah,” she watched him flush. “I’m sure.”

“This isn’t just a one time thing for me, Kie.”

“I know. It’s not for me either.”

“Okay,” JJ’s hand brushed down her body, as if memorizing it as he went. He placed tiny suckling kisses on her neck as his hand reached between her legs. “Wow,” he smirked up at her. “I guess you really do like me.”

Kie blushed but smiled genuinely. It was kind of nice to see the old JJ back, even if it was only a flash. “Don’t let it get to your— _shit,”_ she tensed at JJ’s fingers brushing against her.

“Is this okay?” He pulled his head back from her neck.

“Y—yeah,” Kie all but whimpered.

He watched her. Studied her as he tried different things. Once he found what worked, and Kie’s soft whimpers and moans filled the air, JJ pressed a kiss just below her ear.

“You’re incredible,” he breathed and his words shocked her enough to let go. JJ watched her come undone with awe. Slowly, she came back down to earth and JJ smiled down at her.

“That was incredible,” Kie panted, a bright smile plastered on her face.

“We can still stop,” JJ said softly.

Kie shook her head. “I don’t want to stop. I want—“ she took a deep breath. “I need you.”

“I need you too, Kiara.”

Kie smiled at the mention of her full name. She nodded one last time and then they rid themselves of their last shreds of clothing.

“Shit,” JJ’s head dropped onto her shoulder.

“What?”

“I think I’ve got some condoms—“

“It’s okay,” Kie cut him off. JJ’s eyes widened. “I mean, I’m on the pill”

“Oh.”

“To regulate my period and also, in case…”

JJ kissed her forehead to ease her feeling of awkwardness. “I get it.”

“You always use a condom, right?”

“Kie,” JJ entwined his one hand with hers. “I’ve never done this either.”

“You’re virgin?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” JJ smiled a small, shy, smile that was all dimples and Kie’s heart fluttered. “I thought I wanted to a bunch of times, but it never felt right with anyone else. I’m…scared of getting close to people, you know?”

“I get it,” Kie repeated his own words to her.

“So we’re good?”

“We’re good,” Kie nodded. JJ made sure to kiss her when it happened, to distract her, and then he pulled back to study her face for any signs of discomfort. Kie thought she was doing a great job of masking the pain, but JJ apparently thought other wise. He mumbled a string of apologies and kissed her everywhere. Her eye lids, her cheeks, her neck, her forehead, everywhere he could reach, all the while murmuring words of encouragement. Finally, they found what worked for them. It didn’t go without a hitch, but it was everything Kie needed it to be. She felt beautiful, safe, and completely blissed out.

JJ was reluctant to shift over to his back when they finished. He peppered her neck with more kisses and Kie curled herself against him. They had a lot to say; a lot to figure out. But in that moment, they were safe and together. The rest, they could figure out in the morning.


End file.
